Self-Care

 I am excited to share some parenting practices with you on my blog. I will be using The National Extension Parent Education Model (NEPEM) which was designed by a team of parenting educators assembled by the U.S. Cooperative Extension Service. The purpose of the model is to unite the parenting education initiative and offer a model that parent educators can utilize to structure their programs (Jrank Articles, n.d.).

With NEPEM as the foundation for my next three posts, I will focus on guiding and nurturing our children and taking care of ourselves in the process.

Self-Care

We have heard the adage many times, you can't help others until you have helped yourself. There is the airplane analogy, put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others and many other examples of why we must first begin with taking care of ourselves before we attempt to take care of others, this includes our children. In a conference address titled The Celestial Nature of Self-Reliance, Romney (1982) relates self-reliance and caring for ourselves to having the freedom to serve others. This service includes service to our children and families. Romney states that service is the pathway to the truest kind of happiness. 

Taking care of ourselves and our needs for sleeping, eating, and emotional well being makes us better parents. The Arbringer Group (1998) is the creator of The Parenting Pyramid. 

The pyramid provides levels to getting to a point to be able to correct your child and the correction is well received. The foundation of this pyramid is personal way of being. Before positive receptive correction of your child begins you must first be personally well. Some of the questions we should ask ourselves.

1. What are my attitudes towards others?

2. How do we see others?

3. What is our overall experience with the world?

4. Am I self-forgetful?

5. Am I self-preoccupied?

"If I am merely going through the motions in trying to build a relationship with my children, I won't succeed" (Arbringer Group, pg 6). The quote goes on to reveal that teaching and correcting also take great effort. Children are aware when we are just going through the motions and if we are giving our full attention and our whole heart. 

How can we recharge and take care of ourselves and avoid burnout that leads to reacting in a negative way to our children? Casares (2020) published an article on Healthy Children.org that explains quality ways for parents to recharge. The most important point the author makes is that our time-outs have to be planned and intentional. They also need to begin as soon as the child is born, your connection with your child begins at birth and you want that connection to be positive. As stated above in order for that to happen first you have to make planned and intentional time for yourself. 

The first point the article makes is that unlike you are led to believe new mothers can not have it all and you don't need it all. It's okay for your appearance to not be completely put together, the most important aspect of self-care is emotional wellness. When your child is crying and you can't get them to stop it won't matter how good you look, but it will matter how good you feel. To feel good you need to focus on things that you need not the things other people think you need (Casares, 2020). 

Psychology Today also has a great article on the importance of parents making self-care a priority. Schwartz (para 1) covers three key points, "Self-care can help replenish a parent's energy, focus, and positivity. Children are unaware of the need for balance, so parents must set boundaries themselves.

People often view boundary setting as selfish, but it can help parents have more energy for themselves and their children."

Schwartz (2021) identifies that being a parent is a full-time job and children are not aware of our needs for self-care and establish that we are there to meet all of their needs. It is our responsibility to find our own balance and teach our children that mom/dad also have needs. Limits on your time tell them that you are not at the beck and call, sometimes they need to care for themselves, and that you are important too. Eventually, your kids may realize that when you take time for yourself and recharge your batteries you are more pleasant to be around and better prepared to meet their needs.